The Rescue

Every time we travel my husband complains that I can't seem to spot any wildlife. It's true! He is driving, trying to find a location and then the conversation goes like this;
The Amateur Dad: "Whoa, moose!"
Me: "Where!?!"
The Amateur Dad: (a big sigh and an eyeroll) "To the right of you, right there in those trees, he's almost out in the open!"
Me: "I was blinded by the interstate, sorry!"

If this only happened once, I would think it was a total fluke. HE is the one who wears glasses, not me. Yet every. single. time- HE spots the moose, or the bear, or the elk, or the fox for crying out loud! All the while I am blinded by the interstate. Too distracted by the details to see the bigger picture. LIFE is like that! My life has been like that. How many times am I completely distracted by the itty, bitty details and I miss the entire bigger picture happening around me? I miss the moose. I miss the bear, the elk and the fox. As I allow the Lord to peel away the layers of the onion of my life my focus is getting a teeny bit larger. I am slowly taking in the side of the road. I am seeing the bigger picture.

Last week we were traveling to another city for doctor visit. The Amateur Dad was driving and I was, as usual in my navigational position, poised and ready for action. We were perhaps 20 min into the trip, taking an on-ramp for a different expressway when I saw some movement to the left of the van. I look, and cry out "STOP THE VAN! THERE IS A KITTEN ON THE INTERSTATE!".  The Amateur Dad throws the flashers on and merges as far left as he can and I fly out of the van. I run wildly down the interstate towards a tiny white kitten who is backing up against the concrete wall and crying her lungs out. I reach the kitten, pick her up and cradle her to me. She hisses, bites, scratches at me- but I still cradle her close- run back to the van, to safety.

As we drive on the A.D. says, "How on earth did YOU, the one who can't even spot a bear on the side of the road- directly outside your window- see a WHITE kitten against a white wall going 65?"
I don't know, I tell him. I don't know. I too am confounded. God showed her to me, I tell him. "He must have" he says, "no way you would have seen her otherwise."(Well, that used to be true- I want to say, but God is starting to show me the bigger picture. He is opening my eyes, so to speak).

The kitten is dirty and stressed. I ask Little C to hand me a sweater, I wrap her up. I cradle her close- she relaxes.

She curls up in the sweater and before long is sleeping. I am stunned silent by the magnitude of what the Lord is showing me. My mind is reeling through the events of the morning and as we fly down the interstate He peels off a few more layers. I am the kitten. You are the kitten. The world is full of kittens on the interstate of life, needing to be rescued. I see my Father in Heaven, getting out of the van, running wildly down the interstate towards a whole world of kittens, picking them up- picking me up, cradling close. I see how I have hissed and bitten and scratched at him and yet He STILL cradles me close, closer. Then I see myself wrapped up in the sweater, relaxing, sleeping- peaceful in his arms. And I am wrecked. He loves me! ME. I see the kitten in my lap and I know this lesson is so much bigger than the kitten. It is what he wants me to see, to know. The big picture is that He loves us enough to do whatever it takes to save us. To save me.

As the day wears on, little kitty (Abby we name her) begins to get more and more comfortable- until she is in this completely relaxed state, arms stretched wide, not a care in the world. She has surrendered. She has surrendered to His rescue and now she has found peace.

The Surrender

 Some time ago I decided to allow my Father to rescue me. I now see what he had to go through to do it. I see the state I was in when he pulled me to safety. Now I must chose surrender and rest. Only then will I have peace.

Swim Lessons

I am learning. A gracious God continues to grow and change me. No matter how resistant to change I might be. For the past little while I have been allowing God to do a work on my tongue. I have been doing my best to be intentional about what I say and to whom. I have tried hard. I given it my all. Yet in the storm of life, I always go back to the place where I need the biggest change. My tongue. In the jumble of our lives, it is the three I love most on earth who are on the receiving end of the only weapon I carry. My words are weapons of mass destruction. I mean, I don't even have a concealed weapons permit.

 My tongue is a gun. Since I was a child, my words have been what I've used to punish those around me. No cold shoulder from me, no. Wordsmithy words. Words designed to fly out like bullets and wound those I am angriest with.

"The tongue is a small thing that makes great speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself."  James 3:5-6

My tongue is a gun and my words are the bullets.  Gods Word is the only thing that has the power to control my weapon. The WORD is the safety. My safety. The safety for my family, friends, people around me.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.  James 3:7-8

My tongue has been a gun and my words have been the bullets.

Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can't draw fresh water from a salty spring.  James 3:11-12
 
I have fired words like bullets. I want to be fresh water to those around me but unless I use the safety, I am that salty spring. My tongue has hurled bruising bullets- wounding those I love the most, those I prayed for, those I longed for. My salty tongue has shamed me.

 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18.

Healing. So I go, to the only place I know where I can receive healing. I dive in, swim deep, spend time. This is not a momentary swim, it is something I must choose to do daily. I am swimming laps with my Father and He is healing my tongue. I spend time in that spring of fresh water, and you know what...it heals me. It is healing me. The refreshing spring of Gods word is transforming my life. But not only mine, it is transforming the lives of my family. When I emerge from my healing swim I can BE fresh water to my family. I can love them the way God has called me to. I can be the wife and mother God designed me to be. I am learning...

• Time spent in the Word. It is essential- before the sun even rises, to rise with a cup of coffee and the Word of my Father. It is the manna that sustains me. 
• Meditating on Scripture throughout my day. I choose a verse and allow it to minister to me. 
• Intentionality. Being intentional about loving and speaking to my family in words that edify and build them up.
• Consistency. It is important to schedule that time into my day. If I don't, I am toast. It is akin to forgetting to gas up my car. I am going nowhere fast. If I can schedule a trip to the gym to exercise my body (it is a Temple after all), then I can most certainly plan a time to exercise my soul.
• Forgiving myself. I mess up! I do, but I am learning NOT to beat myself up over it. Sometimes I just have to apologize and move on. I am modeling the kind of heart I want for my children, soft and tender hearts that are not too prideful to say, "I'm sorry".
• Time spent in the Word. Before I go to bed, to bookend my day. To be honest, I am finding myself returning to prayer and the Word throughout my day- but to end in the Word is also key. It is what keeps me connected heaven-ward. None of these changes that I know God wants to make in my life will stick without continuing to plug into him. He is the source of light and power in my life. I can't power up my life if I don't plug in!

So I am plugging in sweet friends. I am allowing Him to change me. I have exchanged my shoes for flippers and I am diving deep.

Surrender

Surrender it. All of it...because THAT is the only way to freedom.

Because instead of looking down and out and around, I am choosing to look up. I allow Him to lead me, to call me out, to set me apart.

My Father will never leave me or forsake me and no matter who loves you in this world it is conditional. It is. We are all sinners in need of a Savior and I don't know about you but I battle daily with being conditional. I am learning to love without the borders that confine me, but there is no one else in this world who will love me like my Father.

Worship. I can close my eyes, raise my hands, sing this song and worship.

We worship so many things and our lives are filled with things that are undeserving of our
worship...worth-ship. When you meditate on something, you assign meaning to it...worship it, you are saying it is worthy of worshipping. Is it? The only thing worthy of worshipping is the One who can fill the wholes, close the gaps, bear our burdens.





Be blessed today.



The Amateur Mama

Fear

I haven't posted. At all.

Fear is a cruel task master, and it rules with an iron fist. Fear strangles, withholding hope and joy and peace. When you fear the other shoe...why write at all? If things are going well, surely it is only a matter of time before they don't. Before they blow up in your face. Then you are nothing but a liar because things were going well but now they aren't.

When your child falls down and you start to gain a foothold to helping them up and they fall again...then you are a failure, you think. You weren't helping them at all. Who are you kidding? If I write, they fall apart. If I don't, then maybe they won't. Either way- no one will know. It will all be invisible. The only thing visible is the facade that Facebook allows. "Your family is so perfect" they write. They think. No one is perfect. No one. Definitely not us.

So of this fear...Ann Voskamp writes, "Perhaps the opposite of faith is not doubt. Perhaps the opposite of faith is fear". And there it is. Where is my faith? Where is it? I profess to have it, but the truth is all I've had is fear. My faith cup is empty. It's empty because I haven't filled it. I want to fill it with joy, but I can't because fear is a joy stealer. I want to fill it with hope, let it spill over, let it help others so we are not all alone on this journey- the fear steals hope.

If I am honest I realize that I was ill prepared for what would be required of me as a mother. Surrender. The requisite of surrender, faith. You see, to surrender means the complete abdication of control. To abdicate control, I must lay fear on the altar then turn my back and r u n. Can I do that? To surrender I have no other option but to run to Him. The One who will save me, rescue me, change me.

Then it hits me...this slow change, this shift of universe, this tilt on my axis. What if when we fall down, we are actually falling up? Up. Up to hands stretched out to hold us. Broken hands that hold our broken hearts. What if the worst day of your life, of my life, is actually the best? What if it is that which bruises, hurts, wounds, scars....that actually saves your life, my life, the lives of my children, my family? Your family? What if?

Did it actually take me this long to figure this out. It took a freakishly long time,  but I do see. I see that my fear has caused me to be a turtle in its shell, all the time hiding away from that gol' dang shoe. I thought that surely if I wrote these things that shoe would drop and it would crush me.

For the longest time I was chewed up and swallowed and I sat in the belly of fear waiting for it to digest me. Then it hit me, I can make it STOP. So I stood up and I took the nail-scarred hand that was extended to me. The hand of the One I decided to allow to save me. Instead of fearing the shoe, I put on the shoe. The fear is underneath my feet and I am walking.

Come one, come all!

Saddle-up Riding Club is hosting their annual Spooky Barn Benefit. Please tell everyone you know! We want to do all that we can to support this amazing organization. They provide therapeutic horseback riding to children, adults, veterans...

According to Little C...he is a "Rider", no other sport will do. Just look at the contentment on his face!

 I love that he loves this...please check them out!

With Love,

The Amateur Mama

Happy Birthday Daddy!

This is a tribute to Daddy...

Big C said it best in his card to you..."thank you for being there for me during the bad times and for never giving up on me." The tears went unchecked when I read these words to Daddy this morning. 

How many times have I said that to God? Goodness, more than I can count. Earthly fathers are a mirror...they show us what to expect from our Heavenly Father. 

Thank you Daddy for doing your best to show us what unconditional love really means. Happy 41st birthday! We love you!

xoxo- Mama, Big C and Little C

Great news!

An update, thank you Dawn for posting this for us! This is why it is so important to stand for the voiceless!

For those of you who signed... Posted: 21 Oct 2011 12:23 PM PDT Son of God Orphanage closed, more details to follow posted by Tom Davis | 2:18pm Friday October 21, 2011 An official statement is forthcoming… This type of change is impossible without your voice and the voice of thousands. Over 10,000 voices joined together on behalf of the children of the Son of God orphanage. The government has acted to close the orphanage (see the AP report below confirming this). READ MORE....