Come one, come all!

Saddle-up Riding Club is hosting their annual Spooky Barn Benefit. Please tell everyone you know! We want to do all that we can to support this amazing organization. They provide therapeutic horseback riding to children, adults, veterans...

According to Little C...he is a "Rider", no other sport will do. Just look at the contentment on his face!

 I love that he loves this...please check them out!

With Love,

The Amateur Mama

Happy Birthday Daddy!

This is a tribute to Daddy...

Big C said it best in his card to you..."thank you for being there for me during the bad times and for never giving up on me." The tears went unchecked when I read these words to Daddy this morning. 

How many times have I said that to God? Goodness, more than I can count. Earthly fathers are a mirror...they show us what to expect from our Heavenly Father. 

Thank you Daddy for doing your best to show us what unconditional love really means. Happy 41st birthday! We love you!

xoxo- Mama, Big C and Little C

Great news!

An update, thank you Dawn for posting this for us! This is why it is so important to stand for the voiceless!

For those of you who signed... Posted: 21 Oct 2011 12:23 PM PDT Son of God Orphanage closed, more details to follow posted by Tom Davis | 2:18pm Friday October 21, 2011 An official statement is forthcoming… This type of change is impossible without your voice and the voice of thousands. Over 10,000 voices joined together on behalf of the children of the Son of God orphanage. The government has acted to close the orphanage (see the AP report below confirming this). READ MORE....

A call to immediate action!

I am reposting this from my dear friend Dawn's blog... www.prayingthemhome.blogspot.com

I warn you that the links are difficult to process...you cannot imagine the cruelty that goes on in this world. I am so burdened...I can not even begin to put into words how this makes me feel...

Help.... Posted: 19 Oct 2011 12:46 PM PDT I read this today and was horrified. Please, please repost this and spread the word. Something MUST be done... "Help us be their voice"..."There are over 75 children in Son of God orphanage in Carrefour, Haiti. This orphanage is full of abuse, physical, sexual, emotional. Full, FULL of trafficking. Child trafficking (which one of the directors of the orphanage is now in jail for) and organ trafficking. Yes, ORGAN trafficking. Officials have been able to track organs back to this orphanage. Children’s organs...." "A call to close Son of God orphanage"...."After continued visits to the Son of God Orphanage in Carrefour, Haiti, six charitable organizations (Adventures in Missions, Bridgeway Church, Timberline Church, Children's HopeChest, Journey Community Church, and Respire Haiti) have challenged the global community to force the hands of international leaders in the closure and investigation of the facility....." Sad. Devastating. Disgusting. Please do what you can to help these children.

By the root...

We have been dealing with these annoying vines in our backyard. I admit they are lovely, they bloom with a bright yellow flower and then a sort of mini pumpkin-like seed pod. Yet in no time, they will completely cover everything around. I noticed them first on the back of the fence, and in the matter of weeks they spread to cover the mini palms and bougainvillea. A month later, they were literally everywhere. They now covered our entire fence, all the foliage and were creeping onto the back patio area. Enough was enough, something had to be done.


Thankfully I was in a super foul mood. Nothing like wrestling it out with a bunch of stinkin' vines. I attacked them with a vengeance. I have removed them before, what I learned the first time was this- you have to pull them out by the root, or they will absolutely come back. As I attacked the vines yesterday morning, I began speaking to the Lord. I was begging him to be clear with me on a number of issues. As I worked, He worked on my heart- revealing to me that I needed to first deal with my own sin areas. Ugh, thanks a lot God. How humbling is that???


Over the next hour and a half, He continued to show me what He meant. The weedy vines represent sin, and if I didn't do something about my sin, it would quickly overcome my life- the same way the vines were overcoming the backyard. There is something so interesting about this particular vine. Its root was green all the way down, then as it got close to the dirt- it became brown, as if to camouflage itself. You have to look very carefully to find it. Hmmm...doesn't our sin masquerade that way as well? It camouflages itself as justification. We have a  right to be angry, to be vengeful....etc.etc, I am sure you get my point. Sin is the little lies we tell ourselves, to justify our angry feelings- our ________ feelings, easy to fill in the blanks with any number of deceptive emotions.


So I began to visualize pulling out my own sin areas as I pulled out those irritating roots. An amazing thing happened over that hour or two...I began to release my frustrations towards others and deal with my own foul self. With every root, I began to experience more and more freedom. In the end, I felt completely released and relieved. As Big C and I carted those vines to the alley can, I visualized throwing those selfish areas of my life away. I realize that the Lord used the situation to free me. I felt immensely grateful.


Now today, I have a few war wounds...scratches on my arms and literally about 15 splinters (darn those bougainvillea!). What a reminder though of what sin can do to us- it is damaging and it hurts. I realize that my sin hurts me, then spills over to hurt others in my life- taking over exactly as that vine does.


I face today with a renewed perspective, attitude and spirit. I praise God that he is gentle enough to show me, and loves me enough to humble me when necessary. Now I soldier on...doing my darndest to love those in my life the way Christ loves me.

     And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and      honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all that you learned and received from me- everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. 
                                                                                                                         Phillipians 4:8-9


May the God of peace be with you as well...

--The Amateur Mama

Birthdays and Gotcha days and Court dates, oh my!

Did you just hear me exhale? Yep...have been holding my breath for like two weeks here. It is really not quite so terrible, but lately there has been a LOT on our plates. It seemed like everyday there was something fairly large and time-consuming to accomplish. Today, is the first day I could actually say...ahhhhh...and relax while scrubbing my floors, dusting the house, and generally getting things in order. Why would cleaning be a way to relax? Well....because it meant that I didn't have to be anywhere else.

Since Sept. 12th we have repeatedly visited the dentist, the orthodontist, I was called to jury duty (again for literally like the 10th time in my life...every two years since turning 18), Big C finished community service (woo-hoo! Loved supervising all that baking for the homeless...but 18 dozen brownies, 7 loaves of banana bread, 5 loaves of Amish white bread, and 2 dozen cookies later...I think our electric bill will definitely go down!),  fixed numerous "are you kiddings?" on the house, hosted out of town family, celebrated Big C's 15th birthday, celebrated Big C's 7 year "gotcha day", and had our final appointment with Juvenile Arbitration. Just look at how photogenic Big C always is- and that hair! Seriously, it is almost legendary...I mean, isn't there a Pantene commercial or something in his future???

So you see why today I am finally exhaling. The most exciting thing on my calendar for the next two weeks is a conference with Little C's teacher. A conference that I am not stressing over (yaay!), since Little C is right on target in this second go-round of 1st grade. The fridge at our house is sporting a 5/5 spelling test and a 100% math test, taken all on his own. That is so much of a halleluia, I can almost hear the angels singing!

Big C loves home-school, and home-school co-op. He is really having so much fun. If Big C was in regular HS he would be rising at about 5 am, running out the door to catch the bus at about 6...when the rooster is still snoozing. Now, he can play soccer with the other home-school neighbors until 9:30 or 10, come in totally whipped, shower and sleep until 8 or so. He finishes school in 2.5-4 hours, it all depends and is really understanding what he is learning. On Friday's he goes to co-op with the neighbors, has made friends, and comes home happy. I think the biggest lesson he is learning would involve boundaries, that they do exist and that they were a bit skewed for him before.

I really do enjoy being home for my family. I love dropping off and picking Little C up from school, having a clean kitchen (most of the time), and generally taking better care of myself. That involves making time to get by backside on the treadmill (but that is for another post)...

Looking forward to a peaceful week, full of organizing, laundry and time spent enjoying the precious family God has given me.

With Love,
The Amateur Mama

Bye, Bye summer...

How did so much time pass? I am just not sure, but life has surely been happening to us around here. Between preparing for school, colds, volunteering, visitors, and tutoring...well, we have been kind of busy. This mama will now be getting back on track with the blog. I would call this last month an adjustment period...Big C is adjusting to home school, Little C is really enjoying school, and it is just a blessing, period. Right now we are allowing the Lord to meet our needs financially and spiritually, and He does not disappoint. Here is a photo tribute to summer...

Go Carting

Fishing and Camping

 Swim Lessons

Time with Friends

Goggles...oh those goggles!

It was a great summer...very relaxing...the first time we have not been on a big trip in a long time. We took things easy, and enjoyed one another. It was a time to realign our focus, and make some huge decisions. Next up...home-school adventures. 

Driving Lessons

                  

Yesterday we visited with some dear people. Mr. and Mrs. J are the parents of a close friend. I practically grew up in their home, had many a sleep-over there. In the past few years they have moved further north.  We were up their way and were able to have lunch, and spend the afternoon enjoying their company. They are just precious people, and Big C enjoyed himself MORE than he expected to.

Mr. and Mrs J live in a cute little retirement community. Many residents there tool around on golfcarts, and the J's are no exception. Mr. J took C out for some "driving lessons". C was eager to give it a whirl...

While we waited, I kept my eyes closed chit-chatted with Mrs. J. :) No emergency vehicles were necessary, Big C is a natural! What a relief! They invited us to stay the night, and if we had planned better we would have. It was so nice to spend time with such a charming and lovely couple. Wish my friend K could have been there, but spending time with her parents was equally enjoyable. 
It was so nice to have a day with Big C where we could really talk, no interruptions from little brothers, etc on the car ride. At first he was pretty incensed about having to make the trip. Often he gets a bit carsick on long car trip. However, once on the road he began to relax. God has been doing a mighty work in Big C's heart- he shared so much with me on the drive, a huge thank you to all of you who have been praying. Please keep them coming...they mean so much to us!

In the beginning...

This photo changed everything. The Lord wrote this story, of that I am sure. I will start at the beginning...

David and I were married in December 1995. Not quite a year later I was given some devastating news. After routine surgery to remove an ovarian cyst, I was told that I had advanced endometriosis. The recommendation drastic drug therapy, then for us to attempt to get pregnant. They didn't want us to wait...there was no time they said.

We felt we had no options, so first I began a drug enduced menopause at 23. I was less than pleasant to live with, had hot flashes that came on like a shot, kept me awake at night...spritzing myself with a spray bottle fan and feeling I would come unglued. When it was over, we began to work on conception.

In 2003 I had my fifth surgery to remedy this disease, I was tired of the fertility drugs, of the repeated appointments, changing doctors 3 times...I was left with a fallopian tube and 1/2 an ovary. That little ovary should "get up and go" they said. Ummmm...well, it didn't.

We discussed adoption a few times, but never got very far. To be honest, I was shattered. I watched with joy and sadness as my friends all began to build their families around me. David and I filled our time with world travel. He loved to travel, and over time I began to love it too. It didn't matter where we went as long as we were together.

Not once did David ever express anger or regret. He told me over and over again that it didn't matter, all that mattered was that we had each other. His love pulled me through. Still I had a void that could not be filled. I felt incomplete. I felt like less of a woman...that infertility, specifically endometriosis stole my ability to be whole. In 2003, the Lord began to fill that void in my life.

My entire life had been spent in church, I gave my life to the Lord at an early age. For the longest time I had a foot in the world and a foot in the Word. Riding that fence gave me no peace...it was time for me to take a stand of faith and I began to dig in. The Lord began to renew me, reach me, touch me...heal me.

On March 16th 2004, David ran into an old friend. They ended up having lunch and his friend shared that they were in the process of an International Adoption from India. David came home energized about this idea. I pulled out the adoption packet that I had ordered only weeks before, I had hidden it in a drawer. Many countries were highlighted, we ruled out Guatemala because it was so costly. China was high on our list and we decided to begin doing some research. I was cautiously excited.

March 17th is my birthday. That morning as I sat doing my prayer and devotional time, I felt the Lord place a name on my heart. Sarai. I questioned prayerfully, "Sarai? Lord I don't understand...why would I name a child after myself?" Sarai(Sarah) is someone that I always identified with...she received the blessing of a child late in life. Yet she had to learn to listen and trust the Lord, and that is something I identified with as well, the struggle to trust.

Later that day, David and I met for lunch. We were excited about the possibility of adoption and began to look online for information. I had a half-day that day, so when David left to go back to work- I stayed online. I found a website, Precious in His Sight. It was a photolisting of available children. I clicked to look at infants and there she was....Sarai. I felt that it was a sign of some sort, and e-mailed the information to David. I called the woman from the agency who photolisted Sarai. She was in the process of being referred to a woman in Texas. She was not meant for her I felt, but the woman promised to call me back.

That afternoon, as I came to pick up David I asked him if he looked at the photo. He did he said, but it wasn't her photo that grabbed him, it was another photo. The photo of the boy I thought was just the poster child for the website. When David saw him, something in him stirred. He too thought he was the poster child for the website, but when he moved the cursor over his photo it turned into a hand. He clicked and there was the link...name, DOB, location...Guatemala. He knew in his heart, this little boy was meant to be his child.

I was shocked. I could not put into words how I felt, but after teaching Emotionally Disturbed children for a number of years I felt too burned out to take on a child who may have a good deal of emotional baggage. Then the agency representative called and spoke to David. She told him Big C's story...I felt like throwing  up. How could I turn away from a child like this? How? Yet, what about a baby? I had the strongest desire to mother an infant, and found myself more confused than ever.

That night I started The Purpose Driven Life bible study. I went, even though it was my birthday and I was in a mental fog- and on the drive home the Lord began to deal with my heart. When I arrived, I marched in and told David,  "I will pray. If the Lord puts a burning desire on my heart to adopt this child, that is what we will do. " David wept.

I found it difficult to fall asleep that night, but continued to pour my heart out to God and then eventually released the whole thing. I asked Him to place that burning desire there...if it was His plan for us. The next morning I awoke with a sensation I had never before experienced. It was, without a doubt the burning desire. It physically engulfed me- I felt nauseated at the thought of NOT adopting this child. I knew in my heart that he was ours, and I woke David. We wept together.

The rest is somewhat of a whirlwind. For those who have adopted before, receiving a referral before you so much as have a homestudy is basically unheard of. Yet, that is what happened here. By May we were visiting...

Above is our very first family photo...he was a tiny little guy. He was just so precious. At 8 years old he weighed all of 42 pounds soaking wet. We were smitten...he fit right in! He had the most amazing sense of humor, we laughed with him continuously.

Big C and David played water guns for days! The little guy had the best time, but time was slipping through our fingers and before we knew it, it was time to return him to his orphanage. We were inconsolable, as we had no idea how long it would be before he was able to come home. The agency told us that it could be at least a year.

Upon returning home, we submitted our dossier (a collection of papers needed by the home country to process the adoption). We began more waiting...but then, a miraculous thing happened. In early-mid September I got a phone call from the agency while I was at work. I found that to be odd, and became worried. The director asked me if I was sitting down. Then she asked me if I was ready to travel to Guatemala, because our son was ready to be picked up! Seriously???!!! I was elated! It was nothing short of a miracle! He was literally processed in 3 mos- from the time our dossier arrived, less than 6 mos from the time we saw him! We booked our tickets.

Big C's birthday is September 17th- we were due to arrive, pick him up and return home in time to celebrate his birthday with him! We couldn't believe it, we were due to travel on September 11th (I know, hard day to travel)- but Hurricane Charley had other ideas. There was no way we could travel, we had to board up our windows, secure our home- miss his birthday. I was devastated, the airlines understood and wouldn't charge us a thing. Hurricane Charley came and went, and one week later we traveled.

As we arrived to pick up our son, time stood still. To be standing where I knew that God had placed us nearly overwhelmed me. Big C was God's plan for our family. In that moment, I felt grateful for endometriosis. As strange as that may sound, I thought of the Robert Frost poem...

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

For us, we took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference. Thank you Father, this road continues to bless us.

Mini-Vacation...

Grandpa gave us two, unused- FREE tickets to Walt Disney World...

An opportunity for Little C to meet up with Cousin A- for A's 6th birthday...

Fun is a guarantee...

These boys know how to be silly!

Even though we got a bit sweaty, the day was "mild" for Florida, late July. Big C did not want to come...we usually just ignore this and bring him anyway, which can result in a petulant attitude, etc. This time, we were in no mood to cajole him into coming. Since he didn't want to come, he didn't come. He stayed with Grandma and Grandpa- I think he was a bit surprised to tell you the truth, he seems to enjoy the attention this usually garners. This time, no attention. Perhaps he will choose to come next time. Perhaps not. We wished he was there, but still had a great time...

It is always fun to spend time with Family; we love R, D and cousin A...we wish we lived closer! The boys are the perfect age to play together.

Until next time...

44 years

Today is my parents 44th Wedding Anniversary. That is something to celebrate! How do families on a budget do it? Well, they turn their living room into a restaurant, complete with Haitian wait staff...

Our Haitian sensation practiced and practiced. Little C could not wait to be a waiter (he wanted to know what he was waiting for), and remembered exactly what to ask...

The Anniversary couple was quite pleased with their dinner...

The Guatemalan Chef made sure that the meal was to their liking...

The anniversary cookie cake turned into what we are calling "boo-boo cake", slightly crispy around the edges, but loved by all...

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad (Grandma and Grandpa)! We love you so much and are grateful for all that you do for us...so happy we could share your anniversary with you.

Love,
S, D, C & C

Packing...

This week I packed up my classroom. I loved that classroom, I loved teaching at that school, I loved teaching kindergarten. I love my son more. That is really what it comes down to. Packing was surreal at first and became more and more real as the day wore on.

I fit everything that belonged to me into about 8 large storage boxes, some crates, and a few bags. I fit a rocking chair and all of those things into my van. ALL OF IT. That was very strange. Yet as I drove out of the school, home and unloaded it all- I felt oddly relieved. Relieved in the sense that I feel we made the right decision.

As we approach the end of the summer, I am beginning to look forward to schooling Big C. Looking forward to what the future holds. I see the changes in Big C- he is looking forward to being schooled at home. We have been talking about our plans...

     *Plant a garden- one that can eventually feed our family, or at least take the burden off our vegetable bill.
     *Join a Calvary's home-school co-op
     *Ordering curriculum

Big C is particularly excited about the garden. He LOVES gardening, and it really is so therapeutic. He has the greenest of green thumbs, and I truly believe it will flourish under his care. He is a more relaxed kiddo these days. He is communicative and happy. That is not to say he doesn't have his moments. He is particularly incensed about having to continue at the horse farm. He is quite allergic to hay , so without some allergy meds he is miserable.

We are moving forward around here, looking forward to what the future holds.

Positive Influences

Friends

For teenagers, friends are quite possibly the single biggest influence in their lives.
As a parent, you pray that you have imparted enough wisdom to your children, that they will make wise choices in regards to friends.

Big C and JJ have been friends for 7 years now...JJ was the very first friend Big C made. When Big C could not speak any English, and the boys met at soccer, they did not need language to communicate. Now, as they sit for hours in front of Fifa Soccer, they still do not need language to communicate. It sounds something like this...

     Oh! Snap! Uhhhh! Yes-esssss! Boo-yaaaaa!!! Los! Chica- no!

They really are hilarious! This is the kind of friend you pray for...and continue to pray for...

Bread is like a prayer...

I have been baking bread for my family for the past month or so. Homemade bread is a promise I made to myself, when we finally decided to move forward with me staying home. I have found that for me, baking bread is like a prayer.

As I knead the dough, I find myself pouring out my heart to the Lord, lifting up my family and friends in prayer. Each loaf is like a little piece of my heart, my love, a way to nourish those I love so very much. I found a really great recipe, and have been tweaking it weekly. Adding a little more wheat, a little more honey...a little of this, a little of that. Baking bread is a time for me to quiet my heart, to settle my spirit, to connect with who I feel the Father made me to be.

As a mother, I feel that the Lord made me to be an intricate part of nourishing my family. Food is not the only way...for my children to see me absorbed in the Word, living my life in a way that would glorify the Lord- then I am a part of nourishing them body, spirit and soul.

I find myself looking forward to the days that I will be baking bread. My mind seems the most focused on the Lord during this time, it is as if I can shut out all distractions and just commune with Him. I can also begin to receive His love...allow myself to be imperfect. No two loaves come out the same; some are larger, some are smaller, some have minor cracks in the crust- they are imperfectly perfect. I think that is the way the Lord sees us. He loves the differences in us, he made us to be exactly who we are.

Swim Lessons

Swim lessons are just amazing therapy! Honestly, Little C has made more progress with swim lessons, than with Occupational Therapy at the hospital. I find that he is so much more regulated, and he absolutely LOVES going. If we could afford it, he would go all summer. This is our last week and our Haitian Sensation is really swimming! I also love the social skills aspect of being in a swim class. He needs few redirections, and leaves tired, calm and happy. If you are parenting a sensory impaired child, I would highly suggest swim lessons as one form of therapy. I am sorry we didn't start them sooner...

Notice the super-close crop...Daddy is learning how to use the clippers. Just a minor incident with a "reverse mohawk" LOL! Mommy fixed it though, and Little C is loving the freedom!

God is giving us daily wisdom when dealing with Little C's sensory issues, we see so many positive changes. We have found that gentle, calm redirection works so much better than a raised voice. A raised voice only seems to amp up the reaction, and impair his ability to process directions. When I am stressed and rushed, it only stresses him out- and everyone is unhappy. I am looking forward to taking him to school this year, walking him to class, being able to chaperone field trips, volunteer from time to time. Homeschooling Big C will afford me this luxury. At some point, we hope to homeschool Little C as well. For right now though, it is Big C's time. We covet your prayers as we move in this direction.

Riding Lessons

Little C just started therapeutic horseback riding. Today was his very first lesson. Does he look happy or what?

He could barely contain himself. He did amazingly well, and didn't show even the slightest bit of fear. There is a ton of research behind the therapeutic riding. It works wonders with Sensory Impaired children, for children with Autism, even people/children with physical disabilities. The riding strengthens their core, settles their central nervous system, and the list goes on. Little C was noticeably calmer today. That, in and of itself, makes it MORE than worth it!

This is one very, happy boy! I mean, just look at that sweet face! Thank you Lord, for blessing us with these children!

In the Storm

     As they sailed across, Jesus settled down for a nap.

     But soon a fierce storm came down on the

     lake. The boat was filling with water, and they were

    in real danger. The disciples went and woke

    him up shouting, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!"                 

    Luke 8:23-24

In April we received a phone call from the police department at 3:30 am, alerting us that Big C made some pretty poor choices. Disoriented from being awoken from a sound sleep, we made the frightening discovery that our 14 year old son was not asleep in the next room. His bathroom window was cracked open just a bit and outside that window was a ladder...

There are no words that can describe how I felt in that moment. In the days to follow, I was a robot, functioning on auto-pilot. I was buried in grief, continually questioning myself...

     Why didn't I see the signs?
     How could my child leave my home in the middle of the night,
     and place himeself in that kind of danger?
     Do I even know my child?

I found it hard in those moments and weeks that followed to completely process what happened. At times I found it almost impossible to pray...and at others, I poured out my heart. I was a yo-yo, vacillating between faith and fear.

     When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and the raging waves.
     The storm stopped and all was calm!
     Then he asked them, "Where is your faith?"                      
     Luke 8:24b-25

David knew I was struggling. He finally said to me, "Sara, are you going to continue to approach this situation from fear or from faith?" I found the pit of fear to be all consuming...there was no light there, only darkness. I began envisioning all kinds of frightening scenarios...there was no end to where my imagination could go. Yet, there was no peace in that place. Anxiety, fear, worry, doubt, guilt, and grief were all threatening to completely engulf me. Me. This is not about ME. This is about a 14 year old boy, who was just beginning to deal with some pretty overwhelming stuff. Pain, anger, bitterness- all of these emotions had taken root in his heart and he needed ME to be the mother God called me to be.

It was that point that I had to answer the question that Jesus asked his disciples,

     "Where is your faith?"

Yes, where was my faith? Adopting an older child is never easy. They come to us with a life that was lived before us, they have a history that does not include our family. In Big C's case- eight years transpired before he entered our home. Eight years of hurt, pain and rejection. Some adoptees are wired to be more resilient than others. Others have learned a host of survival skills, skills that do not just vanish because they enter a family.

God is doing a work in Big C's heart...as his parents we continue to pray that he will be completely healed of the hurt and pain of his past. If you are parenting a hurting child, please know that you are not alone. It is not easy and we need one another. We need to be able to reach out, lean on others who have been there. We need to support one another in prayer.

The Lord continues to grow my Faith. What he is teaching me is that this situation is simply one of his tools. We are a work in progress.

Shoveling

So you are 14, have some community service to do, and lo and behold- you can shovel some doo- doo at the same place where your brother is taking horse-back riding therapy. Beautiful! Mom makes one trip…an opportunity for the teenager to do something useful (65 hours worth), even better.

Sometimes in life you have to shovel a bit of doo-doo. As a parent I find that I have had to shovel my fair amount, so it is only fair that my spiritual offspring should as well. J

                “Mom, there was so much poo! We just finished shoveling, and there was more!”

Ah, my son, such is life. As overwhelming as these things can be, there is a lesson in it. Christ wants so much more for us.  Instead of becoming bogged down in the muck and mire of our circumstances, he wants to help us shovel out. He wants us to quit feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go quite the way we planned (so hard to accept for the planner!), and if shoveling poo is where he places us…I say we dig in, and make the most of it!

Recently we hit a huge bump in the road with Big C (hence the reason he is shoveling poo)…this could have gone one of two directions. As his parents, David and I had a choice to make. We could become devastated over where Big C “could be” headed, or we could choose to believe that the Lord revealed these things to us- in order to help him “shovel out”. The Lord is beginning the painful process of purification. To the world, this appears devastating. To believers, this is a beautiful beginning. I, for one, am excited to see where the Lord leads Big C.

We can see the tide shifting, and while there was a moment or two (or three) where I felt tempted to give in to the tidal wave of anger, hurt, fear and self pity, I want to be clear- none of those emotions are welcome here! I have to ask myself the question, “What does Christ want for our family?” I believe the answer is, “To bless us”. So I embrace that blessing.

                Isaiah 30:21

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,  your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it”.

The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives...

How did we get here? Well...it was a long time coming. So here I am...standing on the edge of this precipice, about to make the big leap...brand new title, brand new life...

*Home-School mom
*Domestic Goddess
*Loving Wife

Okay, starting to make myself a little sick here...but truth be told, this is what I will be doing. Homeschooling, stay-at-home mom-ing, and of course coupon-ing ('cause how else could I be stay at home mom-ing without the couponing?). That's a lot of "ings" for a girl who has never really done ANY of these without some kind of outside work.

I could beat myself up endlessly for NOT doing this sooner, but I know that the Lord wouldn't want me to do that. I am here, now, because He called me to be. Finally, I listened. Listening is not something that I do all that well, so this is monumental in and of itself, but there is so much I have to say and share here. So much to share about our adoptions, our journey to home-school Big C, and I think a lot of it is worth sharing.

For so long I have felt all alone in my adoptions. Since I ran the program the second time around, I missed out on the opportunity to feel truly connected to the other moms. It was like some invisible wall separated me from them, and it created this lonely pocket that I have bumped around in for the longest time. I feel certain that there are other moms of older adoptees who could truly benefit from what we have experienced, learned and learned the hard way.

For the longest time I have felt like the Amateur Parent. It is like I was never issued a ticket to the exclusive "mom club" because neither of my children came to me as infants. There are many stages I missed and therefore have felt "out of the loop". Big C just turned 8 and Little C was 4 and 1/2 when they finally arrived. My heart aches and longs to have been there for ALL of the early stuff, and yet that was not the Lord's plan. For a planner like me, it is often hard to accept that His plans will almost always be so different than mine.

So today here I am standing on the edge of this precipice...refusing to look back, doing my darndest to continually look up. Daily, working to look up... and to take it day by day.